The Grief with Surrending

My Beloved LORD,

There's a grief that comes when we finally surrender ourselves to Your ways. There's a wave of grief that washes over us in that moment, and it's heavy, continuous, and painful. I don't hear about this experience as much as I would like, though, and, as You know, I am experiencing this now.

It's not a grief pointed towards the decision to surrender to You but a grief for what surrendering requires. The grief is from what could have been but will not be, or what used to be and never will be again. The grief isn't an admission of regret (or it shouldn't be - surrendering to God's ways should be a personal choice, never forced), it's a declaration of a decision.

I am grieving because I've decided. I am grieving because I am turning away - because I am accepting, choosing, declaring, and honoring.

And, like with any grief or moment, God, You are with us during this grief. The scripture that keeps coming to mind while I'm experiencing this grief is Jeremiah 29:11, but the King James Version:

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."

We may be familiar with the NIV version, which says "plans to prosper you...give you hope and a future." I prefer the King James version because your promise of peace feels much deeper than prosperity. Your peace eases the pain, soothes the heartaches, and comforts the weary. An "expected end" evokes certainty and assurance, adding to this peace.

While I am grieving, I do not need prosperity, LORD; I need peace and an expected end. I need assurance that, like all other times, You walk with me during this. And I need certainty that You will still be there when I reach the end of this.

In the Beloved name of Jesus I pray,

Amen.